It's my first post on Stopping the Slide....thanks for your patience Belinda.
I'm sitting solidly in third place here, with only 3 pounds lost. I had a setback a couple of weeks ago (I think it was a cycle thing) and I let it get me down. I kind of gave up for a week and made a series of bad choices.
Losing weight is tricky because you have to want it. Like, you have to want it MORE than you want food and all it represents.
I have trouble motivating myself to lose weight for complicated psychological reasons. I have a deeply ingrained attitude of defiance against the cultural ideal of thinness, and actually trying to make myself smaller always seems like giving in to an oppressor.
In my more objective moments I know that it's not so. It's not "giving up" to try to lose weight. It's not a victory to the patriarchy, if I try to go from a size 14 to a size 12.
I am 34 years old, with both diabetes and heart disease in my family. I am the dreaded Apple shape, with lean hips and legs, and a heavyset abdomen. This body type is notoriously resistant to weight loss, and infamous for its predisposition to both the illnesses mentioned above. Losing weight is probably never going to be any easier than it is right now - I've heard it gets harder as you get older.
So why don't I do it? Why have I been talking about it for so long, feeling vaguely like I should do something about it, but strangely reluctant to start?
Because weight and I have history.
Long, tangled, emotional history.
Which I'll tell you about next time.