Thursday, 27 March 2008

First, and Last.

It's my first post on Stopping the Slide....thanks for your patience Belinda.

I'm sitting solidly in third place here, with only 3 pounds lost. I had a setback a couple of weeks ago (I think it was a cycle thing) and I let it get me down. I kind of gave up for a week and made a series of bad choices.

Losing weight is tricky because you have to want it. Like, you have to want it MORE than you want food and all it represents.

I have trouble motivating myself to lose weight for complicated psychological reasons. I have a deeply ingrained attitude of defiance against the cultural ideal of thinness, and actually trying to make myself smaller always seems like giving in to an oppressor.

In my more objective moments I know that it's not so. It's not "giving up" to try to lose weight. It's not a victory to the patriarchy, if I try to go from a size 14 to a size 12.

I am 34 years old, with both diabetes and heart disease in my family. I am the dreaded Apple shape, with lean hips and legs, and a heavyset abdomen. This body type is notoriously resistant to weight loss, and infamous for its predisposition to both the illnesses mentioned above. Losing weight is probably never going to be any easier than it is right now - I've heard it gets harder as you get older.

So why don't I do it? Why have I been talking about it for so long, feeling vaguely like I should do something about it, but strangely reluctant to start?

Because weight and I have history.

Long, tangled, emotional history.

Which I'll tell you about next time.


Belinda said...

Shan, I am so glad to have another encourager on board no matter how long it took you.

Don't say, "Only" 3 pounds. It's 3 pounds gone!

My own driving motivation is a personal dislike of looking matronly and frumpy. I just hate it. I also want to be a good role model for my granddaughters. I want them to see their Omie as a vital, fit, intelligent, energetic woman and not to fear their fifties when they come, but look forward to them for all the freedoms they bring.

Joyful Fox said...


I am so excited about your 3 lbs. That is a great start.

Weight is so tangled with emotions.Losing weight is not simple for so many.

I just bought a book today, "The No-Fail Diet" by Lesley Beck. Lesley is a dietician and she has been helping people lose weight for 20 or more years.

One of the things she asks in the first chapter is, "Are you ready? or Is this the right time?"

She talks about losing weight as being really hard work - the lapses, the emotional side, and the commitment to journal or write down everything you eat, as well as the lifestyle change of exercise, portions, and wiser snacking.

That's the biggest thing I've noticed this last month. Committing to losing weight is a lot of work. Another load on those with young children whose demands are very urgent.

Be encouraged Shan. We're in this together. It's not a competition between the 3 of us. It's just about all of us winning - one pound at a time.

Five years ago (before the twins) I lost 30 lbs. It was a lot of work then. It has it's ups and downs -it's not a steady upward climb. It was easier for me then. It is extremely hard now.

I am thankful for our accountability with Stopping the Slide and the encouragement and the affirmations and you are a part of that. I love that I can cheer for you and Belinda and whoever else joins us.

Together we can...we will... we are..

Three pounds is awesome!

Anonymous said...

Well Shan you are 3 pounds ahead of me, I've actually lost and gained the same five pounds a few times over the past two months. And your words today gave me encouragement. Being ready for me is always the key, I have to get committed in my mind and stop the dance back and forth and start the journey from where I am to where I need to be.
Thanks for your words, they gave me something to think about.