Wednesday, 2 April 2008

It's the thought that counts.

I haven't weighed myself this week.

But I am doing better at being happy about the three pounds, and resolved to make it four soon.

Sunday night I walked with a friend for an hour. This is the kind of walk where you have to take short little steps for the first ten minutes, as you are almost going straight down. Then you turn right and walk up a little, but mostly flattish, then you turn right again and spend another ten minutes practically climbing, the grade is so steep. Then you turn right again and have a gentle downgrade to home. We have the same route we walk every time, though we don't get out as often as we'd like. Michelle is a chef, owns her own store and has a six-year-old daughter - she has very busy days. It left me with a sore arse and the determination to make it sore again, soon.

Yesterday, Monday, I danced for an hour. Then today, Tuesday, was class day, so another hour of dancing.

After class the woman who dances beside me came up to me and said "I noticed you're looking good!" I could tell by the way she said it that she meant "have you lost weight" and my back went straight up, immediately. I fought back against the impulse to return a cool answer, and instead smiled and said "thank you - I just bought some new workout clothes and they are nicer than my old ones". She laughed and said "Well, if that's all it is, then it was About Time."

I react this way when people notice my weight loss because I am very sensitive to the implication that How I Was Before wasn't good enough. I need to work on letting go. I need to accept, to a point, that society is how it is - thinner is always considered better, and people will assume you WANT your weight loss to be noticed.

Even if I don't want it noticed, they mean well.

So I'll smile and say thank you, and resist the urge to go buy a cheesecake just to show them that big can be beautiful, too.

Sigh. We can be so self-defeating at times, can't we?


Belinda said...

Shan, you made me roar with laughter. "Arse?" Do you have Brit Blood?

At cell group last night I noticed someone looking skinnier and she told me she's lost 20lb. I cheered her on. It didn't occur to me not to mention it. But now I'm wondering.

I love it if someone notices I've lost weight--it gives me a boost.

But I love being challenged to another perspective by you. You are such a good balance to my superficial outer beauty fluff! Not that all fluff is bad--and I'm glad we have Peek Freans and nuts in common! :)

I love it when you show up on the blog. It's a breath of fresh air.

Now where is that Lightbulb and what is Libby up to? :)

Joyful Fox said...

Lightbulb has barely survived this week. I got on the scale this a.m. and I'm 160 lbs. In the month of March I lost 9 lbs. I don't need to get into the fact that I lost the same 3 pounds thrice.

Shan - Way to go on that exercise! I've only done one 40 min. on the weights, and one 45 min walk today. I'm hoping to do one more tomorrow (walk that is). That's all I'll fit in this week.

Had Josiah at the hospital last night. He has croup and they gave him a version of prednisone - as well he has an ear infection and they gave him a script for that too!
I have a bad case of "Sleep deprivation" and there was no script for that just a hope that last night would be better. It was! I got 6 hrs. double the amount of the last 2 nights put together.

Got my um....monthly today so I've had the cravings. I gave in moderately, no peak freans but a few O Henry's this week. Ah...

i've got a blog coming. Just don't know when I'll write it - likely next week...if our domestic chaos would settle.

Thinking of you, even when I fail to read regularly, I always backread so as not to miss anything.

Good night from the lightbulb - my dear husband is scripting me to bed.