Early Monday morning, my bike got stolen. It was in the shed in our back yard, with a proper door and everything...although the deadbolt was not locked. We got careless.
I posted about it on my regular blog, but I think people were mostly sympathetic about the cost involved...the real issue for me actually is that my bike was my main way of staying in shape. I got a lot of exercise on that bike...early in the summer I was riding four or five times a week. That changed later, when things got busy, but at least the bike was always there and I knew I could hop on at any time and get my heart going.
I would classify this event as devastating. I feel almost panicked about it. I can't afford to buy another bike. I can't even afford a mid-range bike like the one I had - it was $500 ten years ago. In fact, now that we are knee-deep in mortgage and kids and credit-card debt, we can't even afford a crappy bike. The only way I will be able to get one is to use the dregs of my (small) ICBC settlement from 3 years ago, but I was saving that $500 for something else - my mom is planning to take me and my sisters on a trip to NYC next year and we have to provide our own spending money. $500 isn't much but at least it would have got me some, I don't know, fabric or something.
It's embarrassing to admit that we're so poor I can't buy a bike...but that's how things are.
Actually I feel like I might cry now so I'm going to stop talking about the bike.
Belly dance starts up next week, and although I don't think we can technically afford it (see "Poor", above), I'm going to take the lessons anyway. If I am really dedicated and practice every single day, it will be worth the $45 a month. What I'm going to do this time is, I'm going to measure my waist now, and then measure it every month during the winter, when I'm dancing. Should be interesting...and probably more relevant than my weight.
Tonight I went to visit a friend of mine who has just moved back to town. She has a Wii Fit. She offered to set me up on it, and I hopped up on the platform. It was good to see that my weight is just above 184, still, even though I have been extremely careless about my eating lately. And the Wii assesses your balance and "Wii Age" based on your weight, height, and balance (which it uses as an indication of fitness). My balance was excellent - probably because of the belly dance - and my Wii age was assessed at 35...which I will be on October 16. I think this is okay - I am not sure how it all works, but it seems to me that if you are in poor shape your Wii age is higher than your actual age, and if you are in great shape your Wii age is lower. So I am happy with Exactly The Same.
My friend said I can come back and play with her Wii Fit anytime - so I am going to go to her place on the weekend, I think, and see if I can't work up a sweat. It should be fun.
I had a good time tonight, and my friend told me "You look fantastic", (I think she meant "thinner") but really I feel very down. I haven't got over the loss of the bike...I seem to be sinking into a depression about it. Hopefully once dance starts up, I will feel more optimistic about everything...and maybe God has a plan for a bike for me, which won't cost too much and will be even better than my old one.
But I still wish it hadn't been stolen.
Take care guys.
Shannon
Showing posts with label Bellydance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bellydance. Show all posts
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Long Time No Post
I've been meaning to get in touch for ages but life is getting in the way. I can barely keep my personal blog afloat, but want to check in here with you.
Iam was down to 180, making my total weight loss 12 pounds. I've just hopped on the scale after that last sentence, and now I'm up again to 184. This is because my family is visiting, I haven't been on a bike in almost two weeks, and the celebration food is flowing.
Interestingly, I feel healthier than I have for a long time, despite this upward trend. Why? Because we're spending nearly every day outside from dawn to dusk, canoeing, swimming, walking, playing. So my fitness is down (must be), and my eating is up (can't help it) and I still feel better. I think this says a lot about the measuring stick we use for "health". There are so many factors involved, and it's so dangerous to focus on the weight alone.
I've been thinking lately about happiness and how it contributes to my health. I am not a small woman - never really have been, aside from two brief years as an anorexic. And do you know what? Those two brief years were miserable. Horrible. Frantically unhappy.
My mental state, with regard to my weight and size, could be described as "slightly uneasy". I'm not overly worried about the extra pounds, though when I see pictures of myself I am always surprised. "Is that what I LOOK like?!" Because what I FEEL like is so different.
An interesting thing happened a few weeks ago. There was a year-end hafla (belly dance party) for my troupe, at my teacher's house. I was so excited about it, and got dressed in my most colourful costume. Bought a new lipstick and everything. While I was there helping my teacher set up and decorate, she told me about plans she is making to put on a belly dance show in February at a local theatre. It was a very big moment for me when she asked me if I would dance a solo in the show. A real, paid, for-money, BUY TICKETS show.
I said yes, of course I would! I would start work on a choreograph and a costume and be ready for February! It would be great! I was so excited!
After everyone arrived, some girls took pictures, and showed them to me on the spot. I glanced at the first one and was shocked - I felt deflated and worried. I felt like I looked silly and fat, instead of powerful and beautiful. But I smiled and agreed when everyone said enthusiastically, "Great picture!" Because that IS what I look like - and my friends think I'm beautiful. And my teacher wants me to dance a solo.
When I was 20 years old, in my third year at UVic, my rowing coach called me into her office and told me that I had made the team after two months of tryouts. I wasn't the tallest, the fittest, or the most talented, but she told me that, during those endless hours doing time trials on the ergometers, I had shown something else: "Mental Toughness". I'll never forget what it was like to hear that from a woman I admired - a member of Canada's National Women's Rowing Team - a woman who was, to say the least, NOT lavish with praise. I stored it away and have pulled it out since, playing it for myself whenever I feel I'm floundering.
At the hafla, I used that Mental Toughness again. I used it to put aside my feelings of inadequacy (overadequacy?) and discouragement, and to straighten my spine and put a smile on my face even though I was still dressed in that flamboyant costume when I suddenly wished I had worn something more concealing - even though I was tempted to look around at the other, smaller girls and think anxious thoughts about the difference between them and me.
I'll lose more weight - I'm not concerned about that. What I AM concerned about is my attitude. I am making daily efforts to change how I feel about myself: not to be ashamed and worried, not to hide under big clothes and dark colours, but to race powerfully through the life God gave me with the muscles He granted me, the strength He placed in my arms, and the charisma He wanted me to have - no matter what size I am. My belly dance teacher said, when I confessed to her (for the first time in three years of lessons) that I feel fat, "There's an inner beauty and strength that shines through, Shannon, and you have so much of that. Your body size is not what people notice first, or even second."
I didn't mean to write so much today. I was just going to give an update on the weight situation - that was all. I guess once I got going I realised I had a lot to get off my chest, after all.
Belinda, I'm so glad you are finding a difference with judicious administration of protein.
: )
My mom always (and rightly) harps on the importance of protein and always reminds me "it's the building blocks of cells. The more you exercise the more you need to build your cells."
Fox, I hope you are well and happy.
As for me, I will be getting back on track next week, when I wave a very sad goodbye to my sister Amy and my brother Mark, and my nieces. I will watch them down the street, then I'll go get my bike and do a hard 90 minutes with the pedals, to get myself going again.
Good luck everyone....carry on!
I
Interestingly, I feel healthier than I have for a long time, despite this upward trend. Why? Because we're spending nearly every day outside from dawn to dusk, canoeing, swimming, walking, playing. So my fitness is down (must be), and my eating is up (can't help it) and I still feel better. I think this says a lot about the measuring stick we use for "health". There are so many factors involved, and it's so dangerous to focus on the weight alone.
BUT, that being said, I have complete confidence in my ability to lose the weight again after this halcyon month is over. I will start today, in fact - though this weekend will be a total loss because we are going camping and neither death nor hell nor things that creep below nor things that fly above will keep me from marshmallows and hot dogs.
* * *
I've been thinking lately about happiness and how it contributes to my health. I am not a small woman - never really have been, aside from two brief years as an anorexic. And do you know what? Those two brief years were miserable. Horrible. Frantically unhappy.
My mental state, with regard to my weight and size, could be described as "slightly uneasy". I'm not overly worried about the extra pounds, though when I see pictures of myself I am always surprised. "Is that what I LOOK like?!" Because what I FEEL like is so different.
An interesting thing happened a few weeks ago. There was a year-end hafla (belly dance party) for my troupe, at my teacher's house. I was so excited about it, and got dressed in my most colourful costume. Bought a new lipstick and everything. While I was there helping my teacher set up and decorate, she told me about plans she is making to put on a belly dance show in February at a local theatre. It was a very big moment for me when she asked me if I would dance a solo in the show. A real, paid, for-money, BUY TICKETS show.
I said yes, of course I would! I would start work on a choreograph and a costume and be ready for February! It would be great! I was so excited!
After everyone arrived, some girls took pictures, and showed them to me on the spot. I glanced at the first one and was shocked - I felt deflated and worried. I felt like I looked silly and fat, instead of powerful and beautiful. But I smiled and agreed when everyone said enthusiastically, "Great picture!" Because that IS what I look like - and my friends think I'm beautiful. And my teacher wants me to dance a solo.
When I was 20 years old, in my third year at UVic, my rowing coach called me into her office and told me that I had made the team after two months of tryouts. I wasn't the tallest, the fittest, or the most talented, but she told me that, during those endless hours doing time trials on the ergometers, I had shown something else: "Mental Toughness". I'll never forget what it was like to hear that from a woman I admired - a member of Canada's National Women's Rowing Team - a woman who was, to say the least, NOT lavish with praise. I stored it away and have pulled it out since, playing it for myself whenever I feel I'm floundering.
At the hafla, I used that Mental Toughness again. I used it to put aside my feelings of inadequacy (overadequacy?) and discouragement, and to straighten my spine and put a smile on my face even though I was still dressed in that flamboyant costume when I suddenly wished I had worn something more concealing - even though I was tempted to look around at the other, smaller girls and think anxious thoughts about the difference between them and me.
I'll lose more weight - I'm not concerned about that. What I AM concerned about is my attitude. I am making daily efforts to change how I feel about myself: not to be ashamed and worried, not to hide under big clothes and dark colours, but to race powerfully through the life God gave me with the muscles He granted me, the strength He placed in my arms, and the charisma He wanted me to have - no matter what size I am. My belly dance teacher said, when I confessed to her (for the first time in three years of lessons) that I feel fat, "There's an inner beauty and strength that shines through, Shannon, and you have so much of that. Your body size is not what people notice first, or even second."
I didn't mean to write so much today. I was just going to give an update on the weight situation - that was all. I guess once I got going I realised I had a lot to get off my chest, after all.
Belinda, I'm so glad you are finding a difference with judicious administration of protein.
: )
My mom always (and rightly) harps on the importance of protein and always reminds me "it's the building blocks of cells. The more you exercise the more you need to build your cells."
Fox, I hope you are well and happy.
As for me, I will be getting back on track next week, when I wave a very sad goodbye to my sister Amy and my brother Mark, and my nieces. I will watch them down the street, then I'll go get my bike and do a hard 90 minutes with the pedals, to get myself going again.
Good luck everyone....carry on!
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
It's the thought that counts.
I haven't weighed myself this week.
But I am doing better at being happy about the three pounds, and resolved to make it four soon.
Sunday night I walked with a friend for an hour. This is the kind of walk where you have to take short little steps for the first ten minutes, as you are almost going straight down. Then you turn right and walk up a little, but mostly flattish, then you turn right again and spend another ten minutes practically climbing, the grade is so steep. Then you turn right again and have a gentle downgrade to home. We have the same route we walk every time, though we don't get out as often as we'd like. Michelle is a chef, owns her own store and has a six-year-old daughter - she has very busy days. It left me with a sore arse and the determination to make it sore again, soon.
Yesterday, Monday, I danced for an hour. Then today, Tuesday, was class day, so another hour of dancing.
After class the woman who dances beside me came up to me and said "I noticed you're looking good!" I could tell by the way she said it that she meant "have you lost weight" and my back went straight up, immediately. I fought back against the impulse to return a cool answer, and instead smiled and said "thank you - I just bought some new workout clothes and they are nicer than my old ones". She laughed and said "Well, if that's all it is, then it was About Time."
I react this way when people notice my weight loss because I am very sensitive to the implication that How I Was Before wasn't good enough. I need to work on letting go. I need to accept, to a point, that society is how it is - thinner is always considered better, and people will assume you WANT your weight loss to be noticed.
Even if I don't want it noticed, they mean well.
So I'll smile and say thank you, and resist the urge to go buy a cheesecake just to show them that big can be beautiful, too.
Sigh. We can be so self-defeating at times, can't we?
But I am doing better at being happy about the three pounds, and resolved to make it four soon.
Sunday night I walked with a friend for an hour. This is the kind of walk where you have to take short little steps for the first ten minutes, as you are almost going straight down. Then you turn right and walk up a little, but mostly flattish, then you turn right again and spend another ten minutes practically climbing, the grade is so steep. Then you turn right again and have a gentle downgrade to home. We have the same route we walk every time, though we don't get out as often as we'd like. Michelle is a chef, owns her own store and has a six-year-old daughter - she has very busy days. It left me with a sore arse and the determination to make it sore again, soon.
Yesterday, Monday, I danced for an hour. Then today, Tuesday, was class day, so another hour of dancing.
After class the woman who dances beside me came up to me and said "I noticed you're looking good!" I could tell by the way she said it that she meant "have you lost weight" and my back went straight up, immediately. I fought back against the impulse to return a cool answer, and instead smiled and said "thank you - I just bought some new workout clothes and they are nicer than my old ones". She laughed and said "Well, if that's all it is, then it was About Time."
I react this way when people notice my weight loss because I am very sensitive to the implication that How I Was Before wasn't good enough. I need to work on letting go. I need to accept, to a point, that society is how it is - thinner is always considered better, and people will assume you WANT your weight loss to be noticed.
Even if I don't want it noticed, they mean well.
So I'll smile and say thank you, and resist the urge to go buy a cheesecake just to show them that big can be beautiful, too.
Sigh. We can be so self-defeating at times, can't we?
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