Sunday, 18 May 2008

A Switch On from the Lightbulb

I haven't checked in since the beginning of May. Before I went to Winnipeg (May 1), I made it to 156 lbs. - only 1 lb. away from my goal. In Winnipeg I was diligent with exercise. I walked every day except one. Other than the day I arrived, I walked from 1 hr. to 1 and 1/2 hrs. each time. I was disciplined with my eating in some ways. I did not have ice cream when everyone went to the famous BDI's and I said "no" to many desserts. I definitely did not eat how I pleased.
However I was well aware of my addiction to food. At home, I do not have 'foods' that tempt me in the house - chips, crackers, prepared foods, cookies etc. I monitor carefully what I eat. I bake twice a week when I know the family will consume it - not me.

While there, the food was delicious but calorie in-take each day was higher than what I would have here. i.e, perogies and sour cream, sweet and sour chicken wings, and pasta at suppers, toasted westerns and reubens, chips at lunch, sticky buns at breakfast, etc. While there, I was proud of myself because I showed some restraint and limited quantities. However, I would put restrictions on myself before a snack or meal and I rarely held to them. I did overeat. I felt that I had maybe gained a few pounds and I dared hope, I may have managed to maintain my weight.

Once home, the scale revealed a different story. I weighed in at 164 lbs. I was hugely discouraged. I felt the scale had betrayed me and really was feeling 'victimized", remembering all that I had given up. To gain 8 lbs. in 6 days of less- than indulgent eating was hugely eye-opening. I realized how my metabolism, in this stage of my life, will not extend much mercy in my calorie intake. Although I had exercised faithfully and longer than when home, it did not compensate for my eating.

In 2 mos., I had lost 13 lbs., 8 of which I gained back in 5 days. I really struggled with that reality. In spite of being discouraged I chose to work hard and get right back on the 'straight and narrow' as soon as I got back. I am now at 158 lbs. after 12 days. I've lost 6 of the 8 lbs. Still, I am not back to my pre-trip weight.

I have learned a few things:
-this battle to lose weight must be consistent, steady, and purposeful (there's no easy way)
-I want to lose weight so therefore I will do everything it takes, I can persevere
-the losing weight process will take me longer than I thought to get to my goal weight (130-135 lbs.)
-life isn't fair but it is just (it took me 6 days to gain 8 lbs. and in 12 days of hard work, I still haven't lost it)
-I definitely have an addiction to food and struggle when unhealthy choices are available to me

I want to thank both Belinda and Shan and anyone else on this journey for sharing accountability. When I felt like giving up, I knew I couldn't because I want to be an inspiration to all of you, not a cause for discouragement.

Belinda, I have already determined not to be jealous when you tell me all you've indulged in and how you maintained your weight! No, I'm really glad you're able to do that - I'v had a lifetime of eating like a horse and the scale never telling the story. I'm just not there now. So blessings to you my friend.

1 comment:

Shan said...

Joyful Fox, I'm sorry you had a three-steps-forward-two-steps-back experience. That just sucks.

It doesn't seem fair, does it, that you can do months and months of work, and in a few days lose the ground you've gained. It's a bitter moment.